There is satisfaction in a job well done. My bow presses into the heel of my left palm in dawn air heavy with dew. The dual cams roll smoothly as I draw back against 58 pounds of resistance and relax into the tension of my eager PSE Drive LT. I exhale, and the world fades away into the immediacy of the bow in my hands and the bright marker downrange. At the bottom of my breath, I release. The arrow is a part of me as it flies to the center of the target, nestled snugly between my other two shots. This is my meditation, and it kept me centered in the hectic first years of medical school… Read more/Back to Home Page
August 1, 2012
Once upon a time, I knew I’d be a doctor because it was the perfect thing to do, the path to high-achieving success and the dream of bright-eyed college freshmen all over. Now, I realize that a career as an M.D. is not the answer to life’s problems, but it will give me more power to help than I have now. I want to learn about medicine because I love biology and the intricacies of the human body. I want to become a doctor because I never again want to look in someone’s eyes and tell her that I cannot help her without knowing that I did everything possible… Read more
April 21, 2019
To be a good doctor is a noble thing. Each of us applied to medical school with lofty dreams of helping those in need, and I trust that we will all spend our lives doing that to the best of our abilities. However, in third year, I’ve learned that we are all fallible with our own suites of insecurities, difficulties and biases that dull our senses and hamper our ability to steadfastly walk the path. Like blood sugar in a diabetic patient, if we allow our human weaknesses to go uncontrolled, we will lose the mental proprioception that informs us about how to be effective as physicians… Read more
November 23, 2018
The third year of medical school is a special kind of lonely. My alarm begins its persistent, plaintive tone at 3:30 am. Reflexively, my forefinger hits the orange snooze button in the middle of my screen and I huddle deeper into my warm, fuzzy blankets. Before the next call to arms, I tap on the light on the bed stand and groggily roll out of bed… Read More
“Just walk with the wind in your face.” – Kapali
December 17, 2018
The wind murmurs raspily as it rushes past my ears and steals the moisture from my face. A hunter becomes accustomed to the feather brush feeling and the thrumming sound. If it’s not there, you’re doing something wrong. Pause. Redirect.
A perfect half moon above me gently lights the divets in the dirt road as I trudge rhythmically up the hill. My shadow falls about two feet directly in front of me and silently urges me onward, mirroring each step for encouragement. I will not call Uncle Randy, and my mom will not know…Read more
You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen, simply wait. You need not even wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
~ Franz Kafka
December 23, 2018
Hundreds of eyes glow green on either side of the road as the beam of the dusty headlights sweep crookedly over the cropped turf of the Koele golf course. The eyes stare patiently back from the darkness as the Jeep rolls down the small hill and eases into a contended idle in the trough at the bottom. There’s a moment of still silence underlaid by the gentle vibration of the engine and the emerald eyes just keep staring back at me occasionally bobbing, as if swaying in the gentle breeze. Then there’s a sudden hustle of movement and the herd turns in synchrony and trots away towards the dark tree line lurking at the edge of the manicured valley. The rustling sounds like the swishing of bustle skirts in the darkness and it feels like a wordless reprimand from a prim matron. I was late and I had disrupted breakfast. Rude…Read more
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